i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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