Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
