ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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