Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
