pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
