naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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