Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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