If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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