I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You are a booty call, not a friend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
