The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
