Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
they need to just BURY HIM!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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