Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
