Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
