Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you inspire me to be a worse person
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
