i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
