my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize