he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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