i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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