someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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