You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
