STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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