Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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