I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
