Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize