he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
