Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
