So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
