i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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