So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
