he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
