I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
