Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
