guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
