i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
