I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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