I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
