so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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