One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
