Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
