the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So vagazzling was a success
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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