I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I believe in your delicious
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
