He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
