drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
