Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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