please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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