UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
