Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
