He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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