the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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