Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
