Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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