Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
