She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize