you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize