his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
