I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
