Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
