you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We smell like vodka and hangover
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