So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
