I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
