You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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