she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
