talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
