I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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