we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Randomize
