So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
