I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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