just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
