WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
