my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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