My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He felt like a one man threesome
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize