Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
