Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
