I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
