if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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