omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Damn victory sex feels great
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
