i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
