That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
