So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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