Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize