i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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