I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
