This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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