kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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