we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
