her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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