drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
