My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
