May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
