Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
