I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
