I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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