a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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