I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
