I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When did angry sex become our thing?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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