i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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